I just want a normal toothbrush. Is that too much to ask?

GUM 411 toothbrush. Not just for an emergency.

GUM 411 toothbrush. Not just for an emergency.

I shouldn’t have to go to Denmark to find a decent toothbrush.

*But I did.

I’m a Luddite when it comes to certain things. I like classic shoes, classic make-up.

And classic toothbrushes.

There was once a time when toothbrushes were toothbrushes. They were straight, in a primary or secondary color, and had trustworthy white bristles lined in a row.

These are the toothbrushes I like. These are the toothbrushes I couldn’t find until I happened upon a drugstore in Roskilde, Denmark of all places.

Vikings take dental care very seriously.

The place had the normal offering of tooth-cleaning implements that resembled Usain Bolt’s running shoe. But among the curved, bent, right-angled, ribbed, pointed, electrified and chartreused examples, I found them.


A simple pack of simple toothbrushes. Gum 411 to be exact. They were lovingly packaged and they were soft.

They called me. They called me in Danish, but that’s beside the point. I silently thanked the gods of Valhalla for supplying me with something I’d been searching for.

When did it happen? When did toothbrushes become these over-engineered monstrosities that only had to do one thing…brush teeth?

Now if I could find toothpaste that doesn’t have stripes.

Or funny flavor crystals that burst in your mouth.

I don’t like unexpected things in my mouth.


(*Okay, okay. I didn’t “go” to Denmark to find the toothbrush, but hey..work with me here.)